Why coaching skills training are turning managers into robots—and what to do about it

Something very strange happens to managers who attend a coaching skills training
—they lose their ability to speak!

I was invited to observe a coaching skills training for managers to see if I would wish to facilitate the programme—and I left wanting to rewrite it.

Meet John

Picture John (fictitious name). A highly accomplished expert in his field and a leader. Eloquent, well spoken, and you can tell he’s a very bright fella’…

He’s just been taught that coaching means being neutral (are we ever?!?), holding no opinions or thoughts of his own, and only asking open-ended questions (except for any starting with “why” that is). Translation: be a robot.

All of a sudden, John is making very strange, weirdly structured sentences. In fact, at times, they don’t even make any sense. The words are English but the meaning escapes comprehension. What’s going on?

Now, some coaches would argue that’s just what learning coaching does. As a manager, you’re used to “telling”—so like any new language, it takes a while to get used to it… Bull! (pardon my French)

Here’s what I think is going on

We’re witnessing the discomfort of trying to perform formulaically, and being incongruent between what you think, feel, and say.

It has nothing to do with how difficult the coaching mindset is. It’s because we’re asking the Johns of this world to talk like robots instead of human beings.

And here’s the really sad part

HR leaders will view the training as a success.

Leaders will pat themselves on the shoulder for learning a new language.

Meanwhile, Jane (fictitious name)—an employee in that same training—is telling our breakout group how her manager went through this exact training a while back, but sounds so “phony” she doesn’t want to open up to him.

That’s the story the HR leader and line manager will never hear.

What I suggest instead

When I run coaching skills training for managers, we cut through that noise.

I don’t want you to talk like me or some coaching guru.
I don’t want you to tick competency boxes.

I want you to sound like you—genuinely you—while openly relating to another human being and making the conversation about them.

And—very importantly—we openly address the elephant in the room: you can’t be neutral. You’re human. You have countless thoughts, opinions, feelings, and sensations—and rather than pretending otherwise, we explore how to use them purposefully.

We also acknowledge the fact that you wear multiple hats at once: expert, leader, people manager. That can create tension and interesting power dynamics in the room. And any training that doesn’t tackle those head on is doing its participants a disservice.

And we don’t shy away from this one either: not everyone wants to be coached by their manager. That’s their right—and ignoring it helps no one.

So—

if you want your managers to sound neutral, follow models, and talk like robots, by all means, continue doing what you’re doing.

If you want real cultural change, let’s chat!

Agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear from you.

With love,

Dina 🫶🏽

PS : all em dashes are my own. What can I say—I can’t help myself. 🙂

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• Link to original LinkedIn post